Thoughts and words 🌙📝

It's 00:58 (Tuesday 7th April) , I'm not really a night owl anymore, I'm usually fast asleep by now. But I made the fateful mistake of reading my own journal before bed and I got hooked. It made me think of this quote:

"I never travel without my diary. One should always 

have something sensational to read in the train." (lol)

  - Gwendolyn, The Importance of Being Earnest

Anyway, I found some bits which I found quite pleasant and poignant and thought deserved to see the light of day and be read by eyes which aren't mine. They are all from the last year and a half, mostly wistful wonderings about what lies ahead after uni and heartfelt poetry about my love for Falmouth, and also periods. 

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Thursday 6th December (2018)

Late night ramblings:

It hit me this evening at Hannah's, a feeling that I must hold onto these moments because they'll soon be gone. Like, I'll never experience these things again, one day they'll just be a memory. I've been so privileged to do such amazing things these 3 years and I must savour it all. I just looked at Hannah and was like "wow I know this person". It's hard to explain it. I've had nearly 3 years of knowing these people, going to these places, living this life, having this routine...and soon it will all be in the past. I'll look back and miss it all. It's a reminder that my life is unbelievably good now, I need to enjoy it and not let the struggle turn me into someone bitter. Recently I've been wishing the year away, looking forward to moving out of this house and starting real life. But I need to make the most of this time here with my friends!

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES!

I'm just feeling so overwhelmed at my life! It's kind of how I felt in first year when I thought everything felt like a dream and it was just so good. I can't let myself get weighed down by responsibilities.

I feel like this came from God. It just hit me! A friendly reminder to keep going and keep positive.

Saturday 26th January (2019)

Menstruation frustration, 

You're no fun,

I'm feeling glum.

The mess you cause in my mind is worse than the 

pain in my tum.

I'm having difficulty concealing 

This depressed and ugly feeling.

I want to stab something or punch

a wall but I don't think it would

help at all.

Paracetamol won't do it either,

Give me a break, I need a breather.

From this mood that 

leaves me weary.

Just a day ago I was so cheery.

As quickly as it came it soon will end,

at last I'll be a better friend.

                          A lame period poem

21/4/19

Last night I dreamt that I met Billie Eilish and we compared our eye colours. Then some business cards arrived in the post for me (surprisingly the day after I ordered them) and all the writing was done in Sabrina Ward Harrison's handwriting and they were the colour of the front of Spilling Open.

Wednesday 5th June

It's so overwhelming, all I can say is THANK YOU GOD!

I can't wait to live with Ed. I can't believe we're going to have a wedding! I really can't imagine myself having a wedding. I feel too small and scruffy!

Monday 8th July

Falmouth, you have been my home for 3 years. You welcomed me with open arms from day one when I arrived, a tearful wreck. The change was overwhelming but I quickly found my feet as I walked your streets, seeing your sunrises and sunsets, acquainting myself with your sights and sounds which now feel more like family with smiling faces.

In you I learned to navigate a supermarket food shop, I stayed up late with new friends and walked home in the dark. 

I met my future husband, swam in the sea in December, and got over my fear of cooking meat. 

In you I cried and laughed and prayed and ceilidh-ed, I became a vice-president and an avid seagull watcher.

I had a double bed for the first time, I completed coffee shop stamp cards and discovered my people. 

In you I joined a death cafe, stitched a 7 metre snake by hand and got hooked on podcasts.

I was embraced by a church, I did 3 open mic nights, and -

16/7/19

Ohhh a new chapter is starting and there's nothing I can do to stop it so let's just enjoy it!

Wahey!

15.11.19

Life is so much and I can never be bothered to write all my thoughts down like I used to lol. I'm tired and I'm reading a good book about astrology and why it's dumb as heck.

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Oh I do love to reminisce. It's not helpful when I want to sleep though. Now that I've got this out maybe my brain will kindly switch off for a bit THANKS. Uni was so good though, I definitely haven't processed it all yet (still). I've never thought of myself as much of a writer but I do enjoy it when there's absolutely no pressure and I'm not imagining anyone would ever read it. Plus with hindsight I think some of my late night rambles do have a nice flow to them, they capture a mood in a sweet, sleepy, naive way. Looking back at these thoughts is like remembering another life...there's plenty more where they came from. This was fun.